2022 September 21

*

  1. Not reminded myself lately outloud of my Slothrop allusion, my telemetry and America’s still aligned and synchronized
  2. Jeff = America’s Death Path! though I’ve been eating healthier and taking long lunch walks, I hope I’ve bought us another eight minutes!
  3. BLCKDGRD’s coma remains, I’m enjoying a fascinating wave of frantic sparking (sic) panicky zen, a new sensation, fun, I hadn’t gauged my fuckit meters to alert me my damn’s low, dashboard alert on the. fuck. it.
  4. I link fish for you cause I read what I catch and want to share but ever-worsening duh, do you need me to awooga it at you?

2022 September 20

  • Reminder: the fall of the USSR the catalyst for the elimination of progressivism as laughably once-upon-a-time viable alternative to British taxpayers paying for a freeloader’s funeral
  • BLCKDGRD crashed. Details unimportant other than it was them, not me, they tell me. As I type this at 7:42pm EDT the site is transferring back command to me. Told it can take up to 24 hours, I’m not looking until morning
  • I haven’t backed-up BLCKDGRD since forever, this blog my music and poetry anthologies, my memory palace
  • Laugh, my not emailing Christine about her daughter a direct result of my telling Morningstar about his mother
  • Until typing this sentence my only thought about what to do if google murdered BLCKDGRD was I’m not posting grids at pOj (wordpress for those of you who don’t click through) then remembered I post grids at pOj and the fun part is whatever grid I make in google sheets looks nothing like the grid on pOj, I love pOj except for the wordpress part (not that I want *this* fixed it’s that I couldn’t fix if I wanted unless I pay more)
  • Reminder: shitlords would decracker if they wanted to decracker and if they wanted to decracker which they don’t it’s too late which is just fine with shitlords
  • I wrote this in an email to a friend (just so I’m not accused of plagiarism): Besides, in 2025 when Emperor DeSantis forms the Crackergestapo I’ll be offline and offgrid anyway
  • My first response to BLCKDGRD loading slow was fuck this chromebook, laughed that my next thought was fuck if I buy a new pc, laugh, this is new, I will ride this chromebook to a happy passing, may it be years, in full knowledge I double-mainline google evidence against me to 2025’s Crackergestapo on my deviancy and persistent derision of crackerchristers and White Blue-Eyed Jesus Cracker
  • that shitlords could decracker if they wanted to
  • Six hours, BLCKDGRD’s not back, I’m chill, not like I post this shit at pOj that I haven’t read back to myself yet
  • did he jump or was he pushed?

2022 August 14

Full disclosure: these *are* watercolor and ink and pencil on either regular graph paper or regular watercolor paper (Arches, yes, fuck me, the block does keep the paper from warping when drying), but to capture a closer image to what they look like wet (versus what they look like dry) I scan the dried on the office scanner/printer and enhance the colors using souped-up saturation and souped-up vividness and souped-up sharpness and souped-up resolution, I don’t consider this cheating given the limited skills of the artist for anything but lines and color but think I should mention it in case *you* think it’s cheating, fine metaphors abound

2022 August 1

Now that I sit and type
where I sit and type
I sit and type
and justify buying
more particular model
pens, my vacation
mandated ink
infatuation
timer a tick till BEEP,
I will use them at work
not sitting and typing
on screen that I sit and type
at? in? on?
Two weeks same
house not ours
too much for the two of us
who were not too much
for the two of us
for the two weeks
just the two of us

2022 May 19

If I thought my poetry ever be accepted by a big small deal I’dv’d foldered all abandoned haikus but don’t don’t but do but don’t not concession to lack of academic scaffolding laugh I know I type arrhythmic cadence as I talk This criticism and pride I forget what saying get to what new thing I say talking past new thing cause old already me voice mail whisperer lords I serve voice mail listener too re: PD hear myself talk each time I need listen, delete delete delete years since anyone talked to me. Monkeypox, huh

2022 May 3

Jeff,RuleNumberOne:Don’texplain
NothingfucksmyjudgmentupmoreaboutsomethingIwritethan
somethingIwritegettingthousandsinsteadofdozensofhits,inthis
caseNapoleon’sdeathannouncement.Ideletedthepoembelowthis
onefromyesterdays’BLCKDGRDpost,fortherecordIlikethepoembelow
Installedstaticinitsplace

2022 May 1

  1. I don’t have a word for these things I made, I don’t make them anymore, I found them rummaging the archives of another dead blog for typed words
  2. When I made the self-portraits that I quit making a year ago I had already stopped writing or typing word on the thing I had made then quit making self-portraits three or four years later
  3. I quit writing or typing on made things when the made thing became more important to me than the written or typed thing, I quit making self-portraits when I liked making self-portraits more than writing or typing and quit writing when I liked typing more than writing so I don’t need daily decipher yesterday’s scribble
  4. My second time through Joy Williams’ *Harrow,* dig this sentence: “The land was bright with raging fires ringed with sportsman shooting the crazed creatures trying to escape the flames”
  5. I believe I can bat away this uh-oh a toothache coming familiar remembering twinge laugh
  6. Spinning the fuck-it compost bin, fat tubes of primary colors in a shoebox in my desk
  7. If I make things again I permit myself to write again and not necessarily just making *then* writing
  8. I always spiral in and out but need just once not spiral up as I spiraled down

2022 April 10

*******
Kensington to Frederick to Hagerstown to Hancock to Breezewood to Toledo to Ann Arbor to JacksonI divided my backpack to bring twice as much stuff including books I will not read and pens I will not useI just received Jonathan Crary’s *Scorched Earth,* it’s his previous 24/7 capitalism theory on Are You Paying Attention!do I need someone w proper academic scaffolding referring back to names I haven’t thought of since grad schoolto confirm our species as fucked up as I’ve fucking yodeled since the last time you told me to shut the fuck up?
*******

2022 April 4

  • At Hilltop now a covid, flu, and strep outbreak
  • Two weeks ago the mask mandate lifted as did mandatory covid testing for undergraduates
  • 80% of people on campus maskless, all aware of the covid, flu, and strep outbreak
  • Myself and my colleagues wear masks because one of us is six months pregnant and worries
  • Our boss doesn’t, sits in small enclosed rooms with us
  • My colleagues are livid at boss and I am livid for them
  • Key component of our shitlord ordered daily reprogramming
  • requires lucratively rewarded amoral shitlord psy-op savants rewiring us
  • to ignore the personal livid for seething hatred
  • against anything and anybody and everything but shitlords
  • Did you know that Disney is Communist?
  • I will ask my boss in our weekly one-on-one to wear a mask at least in the presence of the one of us who is pregnant
  • I’m not hopeful I won’t have to write about it without some increase to my personal lividity, revolution!

2022 March 29

  1. Made the mistake again of attempting a novel recommended by anyone I know in real life or digital who talks incessantly about Blanchot
  2. It hurts, this wanting to give a dimension to life when life is precisely that dimension, Ashbery said
  3. I’m not reseeding MSADI5G but the new Destroyer album versus the new Guided by Voices album, it’s not close, so not close, so I am reseeding: I rescind Guided by Voices elevation to Third Permanent Seat, I can type about this all day every day and my forbidding myself even in digitabletdaily works most days
  4. Destroyer’s new album did it, sparked it, five great songs, two omg songs, two holyfuck songs, one KABOOM, three seconds in, the only reason it will never be one of my five favorite songs ever is I’m old and other songs have up to a fifty year head start
  5. three seconds in, KABOOM JOY! laugh, I’d forgot, kaboom joy like pain kaboom
  6. body remembered, mind-muffled until activated, poof! everyone wants to be engraved as an epitaph
  7. Other than Ashbery, who people call difficult, I don’t want to read geniuses analyzing why they can’t (but *how* Zeno’s dilemma close they got page after painstaking page) capture the ineffable in words, woe and angst (and zero humor)
  8. Ashbery said, Alone with our madness and favorite flower we see that there really is nothing left to write about. Or rather, it is necessary to write about the same old things in the same way, repeating the same things over and over for love to continue and be gradually different
  9. Destroyer’s new album reminded me I (still love Roxy Music) thrill on tribal trills, their kits and chords, I chimed. There, I tried

2022 March 24

  1. Can’t stop thinking about dinner Saturday night past and my interaction with my not-blood sister-in-law a poster child for upperest middle-class privileged Democrat
  2. – I wrote that part Wednesday morning I’m typing now Wednesday night – when I typed in the morning I didn’t think about N-B S-I-L weirdass mention of Madelyn Albright as a personal hero in our conversations, her smacked expression when I called Albright the war criminal she is and now (by grace of Blessed Serendipity) was (for this poem’s sake) (worth it)
  3. I said as a peace offering, you cannot be a United States Secretary of State and not be a war criminal, but that didn’t help
  4. I saw Albright on campus within the past two months, and the loyalty she inspired in her colleagues and students tells you all you need to know about the curriculum of this Shitlord World Domination Wargame Training Facility, wait til you meet the grad students and faculty of government, business, and economics
  5. I did not say anything when N-B S-I-L (I do have a blood sister-in-law, she’s nice, she and L make each other laugh) tried to Hillary-bait me, I was busy not biting on brother-in-laws baiting me with Steve Miller Band songs
  6. Hilltop killed its mask mandate, don’t think it’s related to Madelyn Albright’s death, just asking, I wear my mask for people who want me to wear my mask as well as me
  7. half Hilltop happily unmasked, seeing the lower half of a face I’ve seen half hidden for two year I think fuck
  8. Do I look like an almost but not me to you too? do you forget my name for a second when you see my mouth for the first time in two years?
  9. This is true, the copy-pasting magic of wordpress over, new bloggerfart, what? deffjump is taken?

2022 March 21

My let’s stay in touch with all past workers except Alexa now on them next
Let me make it on me please. I could be their dad, played one at work
My daughter’s birthday today, she moved away too
The minute you don’t work there you never worked there ever
An app called Classmates badgers me my 45th GHS reunion
approaching rapidly, see who’s RSVPeed
I’d not recognize the names of most, not greet the names I know
I choose not to give them $29.95 to see if I’m right

2022 March 16

No one besides those that like
to be kind will kind any of the songs
I tweeted nor bump the album’s 40th
notice. I’ve been reading Carl
Phillips, this path out of haikus
does not preclude new haikus,
my not tapping knuckles and knuckle
valleys for thirty-one day months

I ask you to give the album a listen
if it doesn’t change your world I won’t
brain you with a garden shovel, I daydream
of braining certain people but so far
no one in real life, fart. I am programmed
to daydream I want to brain certain
people with a garden shovel so I don’t
brain anyone with any say over my life

2022 March 15

Me in a Robert Serra at Glenstone, a rich fuck’s private art collection as laundromat but free, just need a reservation, usually need to make months in advance, it was Sunday morning an hour short because of clocks and the wind chill factor in the lows teens I was told on the eights so I what the fuck tried and got us in at 10AM, only slot open, Saul to Parkwood to Knowles turns to Strathmore to Rockville Pike to Tuckerman to Falls to Glen (the bridge over Watts Branch where Glen, South Glen, and Glen Mills meet still magic) to there
Humanity cannot outgrow its death drive!
Waltzing towards Armageddon
This is a fossil-fuel war
The epidemic of covid complacency
Death of a political animal
Not only the first museum we visited since plague and then not-plague plague, the only shitlord showoff laundromat I’ve ever visited that *didn’t* charge me for the privilege of admiring shitlord’s collection
Low pay, no advancement opportunities
In which I jinx my reading of Wings
Henry James reviews America upon his return from self-exile
I read Ohle’s *Motorman* and loved and ordered the next Mordenke novel but weirdest the sherbet I thought between the two *another* attempt at Henry James, so here I am jinxing not only the having fun! read of Wings of the Dove I am jinxing my reading of the next Mordenke of Ohle
Shitlord loyal to their rubes, MLB edition
Maggie’s weekly{ feuilleton }’s weekly
I will write about work here but for now I’m burying it in grids not because anyone who’d object reads but here is the Kids in the Hall allusion
The cats and dogs of Istanbul
Lynn EmanuelCovering Ishiguro

2021 October 17

Subaru hate and desperate I own a new Subaru
a base model 2022 Impreza sedan one of only two new cars available
plus Fitz did me right on the trade-in for fucked-up service on recall
Too, try walk into a car dealership and buy a new car, cash in hand
there will not be another new car in America until 2025
Bluetooth works there’s no CD-player
console not a casino slot machine
It made it to 70 on 270 today without shuddering

2021 July 17

How many times do you think you’ve pissed in your life?
I will be 62 in six weeks do the math that’s 22,630 days
4 into 62 add 15.5 days for leap years = 22,645.5 days
x how many times you pissed a day on average
factoring age, medical history, especially UTIs
plumbing and sump pump problems, weight fluctuations
everything you’ve forgot not just the last time you pissed

My problem acknowledging
Shitlords censoring crackers to incite crackers
yes to incite crackers but more incite me?
Works, visa versa of course, fractionally Shittier Chow when necessary!
The valence of -.06% less-shittiyism

For the oofed time tonight I remind myself not to explain, here’s
why How many times now? I don’t keep count

2021 April 15

Two days ago an oral surgeon ball peen hammered out the rest of my main grindstone,s dead tooth then glued in with my drawn blood a cadaver’s bone graft before drilling the peg (it will come back to you) for my crown in four months
Two rounds of hammering, both times my mouth full rictus by doorjamb while nurse used both hands under my jaw to brace for whammering
Didn’t hurt at all, hasn’t hurt since, the excavation site, jaw, stitched gums, he RXed me vicodan and no and no and as I type this I haven’t Aleved or Tylenoled
I ate four megadose antibiotic an hour before the surgery and five more since with four more to go and I will comply and understand why but that and a sore trench diet = purge
Plus the physical trauma tomorrow and Friday, I do feel I took a fall and hit my head that I can’t remember of a sudden
Post -experience, why didn’t I have my phone on record to hear him ask repeatedly you ok me doorjamb opened with my tongue pinned down by nurse when hammering me diaphragming uh-huh to record the tapping like hour bells, it didn’t occur to me so fuck me and didn’t occur to them and more likely they don’t care
I needed a ghost experience I have a dead man’s bone in my mouth

2021 April 13

Oral surgery this morning, an implant for the main grindstone, I’ll be offered painkillers but hope to not need them (I didn’t after wisdom teeth yanked)Original appt three weeks ago, I was cresting, save down for down whenever possibleFortunately for the surgery I need get done no crest needs saving since thoughts about the clusterfuck despite blue bells bloomed in head
Another human’s bone installed in my jaw knot
to anchor the peg (it will c0me back to you) of my next more than temporary but heavens from permanent crown
(Leo Feldman and his homunculus, I know, it’s the first thing I thought of too)(That *Fine Metaphors Abound* not divisible by five or seven proof of theory!)The first words I heard Joe Biden speak about the most recent publicly know murder of a Black guy by cops were, I paraphrase, whatever you do don’t go to the local Walmart and steal diapers and formula you can’t afford on minimum wage
*Scholarly scaffolding* a Kind littwitter with scholarly scaffolding Goal One said to me about Amy Clampett whose *The Kingfisher* dropped when I was twenty-three and changed my ear and why nobody reads her now
OK with you if I disappear without explaining?

2021 March 16

Josie’s father
Part Three = Coggling Machine
Chells bime
That Klara programmed to Kind
itself programmed to sacrifice for owner
Klara programmed to believe all parental motives honorable
Klara talks of its fellow Artificial Friends for sale and misses their staring out the window at customers and both adjusting their head tilts and facial expressions to best sell themselves as artificial, what works best
One of Ishiguro’s always themes parenting and lack thereof, orphans, always orphans
Klara thinks Josie runs on Sun
The story line of Klara’s sacrifice is strained, as is its success, as is the book’s
My bells chime, this machine naif puppeted by handlers with different motives it was programmed to believe all without question
I’ve part five of five tomorrow. I bet Klara ends up in the used artificial friend lot (typed Monday)
Rick the only other character in novel through part four not tainted with motive, so far nothing but Kind
That at certain times Klara cannot control its vision suggests someone is directing it to see what the someone wants or more importantly doesn’t want Klara to see
When the mother gave Klara a test-run as Josie
Why is the housekeeper named Melania who speaks with a central European Slav accent?
When the mother accused Rick of being happy he hadn’t been lifted while one of her daughters dead from lifting, the other now near death
Me and objects, the ones – rocks, watches, Dogduck – I believe in some small empathic connection
Contrast and compare how the Mother treats Melania and Klara
Manager, Klara, Mother, Housekeeper, Rick, Rick’s mother, Rick’s mother’s ex-lover, Klara’s father, puppeteer
So Father goes along with Klara’s plan to disable Pollution in deal with sun who would save Josie (the father listens to the machine say I can’t tell you but help *me* save your daughter and he’s like, Ok I will, but let me short-circuit this machine to save my daughter) in order to disable Josie so the puppeteer can’t create a Klara as Josie, the reason Mother bought Klara
Manager noticed Klara’s exceptional talents as an observer and info-processor than others of the same model Artificial Friend from the same assembly line and tells Klara when Manager sees Klara in… I was almost right, was worse than I thought
Rick and Josie split up after Josie recovers, she goes to Lifted University, he starts a career building spy surveillance drones
Klara would have died to save Josie, programmed into a machine parents buy their lonely mid-teen children: sacrifice
Enough for now. I re-plensished my plastic animals, Happy Tree Knot
A watch I had for fifteen years, the strap broke but I was fatter my knees bad year I bought a self-surveillance tracker I lost weight I lost soul
I could still buy a new strap but don’t but