Category: Bleggalgaze

2023 May Awoogahex


Excrutiating,
waiting for saturated
cold press block to dry

Exasperating
warping then saturated
happy accidents

I claim my idea
Bliss. I’ve three canvases sop
pingwet, teaching my

self blue so I can
teach myself green, awooga
my cataclysmic

pacifier, boop, thumb
in my canary elbow
of weathervane an

kle of cassandra
merkin of fool. Digit
al type while gouache dries

2022 March 2


A vomit is an extreme burp
I once consoled Billy Wayne
busy extreme burping on my shoe

I need to start a new elephant
note page for March but was
afraid I’d forget this poem’s first

sentence formatting another
month in a platform I’d rather
paint bricks than use. No

abacuses were used in the how
old are you Jeff the gimmick
rictus of this poem. I’m growing

2023 February 6


Strongest proof of god
is that I can’t sing, second
proof I can’t draw shit

I not only can
nap now I need nap or I’m
feebler than new borns

I lose my balance
opening the dishwasher
Still love steep mountains

up but steep mountains
down now no, fucking hurts, knees
yes, eyes more, can’t see

where feet go, will I
kill myself deliberately
or “stumble” to my

death, a soccer team’s
shirt has joint you can bet my
death over/under

2023 January 17

To stop myself thinking about it I bought an Arches 12 x 12 hot-press watercolor block which, if I’d thought about it instead of thinking I needed to buy it, is too big for the bed of the scanner I use so I can post the squares here and there and too big for the laminator I use so that the squares can be handled without fountain pen ink staining fingers, the above is the 12 x 12 cropped to 11 x 11, fine metajeffphors abound

2022 November 18

I am the only Jeff I know.
I meet other Jeffs often
through work or Subaru
service managers who
insist their name is Jeffrey,
please don’t confuse me
with them, I’m not a James
who hates Jim or a Charles
who hates Charlie or a Robert
who hates Bob or a Margaret
who hates Peggy or a William
who hates Billy or a Stephen
Steve or Michael Mike
or David Dave or Edward Ted
or Eddie. Please call me Jeff.
I’m the only one I know.

2022 September 21

*

  1. Not reminded myself lately outloud of my Slothrop allusion, my telemetry and America’s still aligned and synchronized
  2. Jeff = America’s Death Path! though I’ve been eating healthier and taking long lunch walks, I hope I’ve bought us another eight minutes!
  3. BLCKDGRD’s coma remains, I’m enjoying a fascinating wave of frantic sparking (sic) panicky zen, a new sensation, fun, I hadn’t gauged my fuckit meters to alert me my damn’s low, dashboard alert on the. fuck. it.
  4. I link fish for you cause I read what I catch and want to share but ever-worsening duh, do you need me to awooga it at you?

2022 September 20

  • Reminder: the fall of the USSR the catalyst for the elimination of progressivism as laughably once-upon-a-time viable alternative to British taxpayers paying for a freeloader’s funeral
  • BLCKDGRD crashed. Details unimportant other than it was them, not me, they tell me. As I type this at 7:42pm EDT the site is transferring back command to me. Told it can take up to 24 hours, I’m not looking until morning
  • I haven’t backed-up BLCKDGRD since forever, this blog my music and poetry anthologies, my memory palace
  • Laugh, my not emailing Christine about her daughter a direct result of my telling Morningstar about his mother
  • Until typing this sentence my only thought about what to do if google murdered BLCKDGRD was I’m not posting grids at pOj (wordpress for those of you who don’t click through) then remembered I post grids at pOj and the fun part is whatever grid I make in google sheets looks nothing like the grid on pOj, I love pOj except for the wordpress part (not that I want *this* fixed it’s that I couldn’t fix if I wanted unless I pay more)
  • Reminder: shitlords would decracker if they wanted to decracker and if they wanted to decracker which they don’t it’s too late which is just fine with shitlords
  • I wrote this in an email to a friend (just so I’m not accused of plagiarism): Besides, in 2025 when Emperor DeSantis forms the Crackergestapo I’ll be offline and offgrid anyway
  • My first response to BLCKDGRD loading slow was fuck this chromebook, laughed that my next thought was fuck if I buy a new pc, laugh, this is new, I will ride this chromebook to a happy passing, may it be years, in full knowledge I double-mainline google evidence against me to 2025’s Crackergestapo on my deviancy and persistent derision of crackerchristers and White Blue-Eyed Jesus Cracker
  • that shitlords could decracker if they wanted to
  • Six hours, BLCKDGRD’s not back, I’m chill, not like I post this shit at pOj that I haven’t read back to myself yet
  • did he jump or was he pushed?

2022 August 14

Full disclosure: these *are* watercolor and ink and pencil on either regular graph paper or regular watercolor paper (Arches, yes, fuck me, the block does keep the paper from warping when drying), but to capture a closer image to what they look like wet (versus what they look like dry) I scan the dried on the office scanner/printer and enhance the colors using souped-up saturation and souped-up vividness and souped-up sharpness and souped-up resolution, I don’t consider this cheating given the limited skills of the artist for anything but lines and color but think I should mention it in case *you* think it’s cheating, fine metaphors abound

2022 August 1

Now that I sit and type
where I sit and type
I sit and type
and justify buying
more particular model
pens, my vacation
mandated ink
infatuation
timer a tick till BEEP,
I will use them at work
not sitting and typing
on screen that I sit and type
at? in? on?
Two weeks same
house not ours
too much for the two of us
who were not too much
for the two of us
for the two weeks
just the two of us

2022 May 19

If I thought my poetry ever be accepted by a big small deal I’dv’d foldered all abandoned haikus but don’t don’t but do but don’t not concession to lack of academic scaffolding laugh I know I type arrhythmic cadence as I talk This criticism and pride I forget what saying get to what new thing I say talking past new thing cause old already me voice mail whisperer lords I serve voice mail listener too re: PD hear myself talk each time I need listen, delete delete delete years since anyone talked to me. Monkeypox, huh

2022 May 3

Jeff,RuleNumberOne:Don’texplain
NothingfucksmyjudgmentupmoreaboutsomethingIwritethan
somethingIwritegettingthousandsinsteadofdozensofhits,inthis
caseNapoleon’sdeathannouncement.Ideletedthepoembelowthis
onefromyesterdays’BLCKDGRDpost,fortherecordIlikethepoembelow
Installedstaticinitsplace

2022 May 1

  1. I don’t have a word for these things I made, I don’t make them anymore, I found them rummaging the archives of another dead blog for typed words
  2. When I made the self-portraits that I quit making a year ago I had already stopped writing or typing word on the thing I had made then quit making self-portraits three or four years later
  3. I quit writing or typing on made things when the made thing became more important to me than the written or typed thing, I quit making self-portraits when I liked making self-portraits more than writing or typing and quit writing when I liked typing more than writing so I don’t need daily decipher yesterday’s scribble
  4. My second time through Joy Williams’ *Harrow,* dig this sentence: “The land was bright with raging fires ringed with sportsman shooting the crazed creatures trying to escape the flames”
  5. I believe I can bat away this uh-oh a toothache coming familiar remembering twinge laugh
  6. Spinning the fuck-it compost bin, fat tubes of primary colors in a shoebox in my desk
  7. If I make things again I permit myself to write again and not necessarily just making *then* writing
  8. I always spiral in and out but need just once not spiral up as I spiraled down

2022 April 10

*******
Kensington to Frederick to Hagerstown to Hancock to Breezewood to Toledo to Ann Arbor to JacksonI divided my backpack to bring twice as much stuff including books I will not read and pens I will not useI just received Jonathan Crary’s *Scorched Earth,* it’s his previous 24/7 capitalism theory on Are You Paying Attention!do I need someone w proper academic scaffolding referring back to names I haven’t thought of since grad schoolto confirm our species as fucked up as I’ve fucking yodeled since the last time you told me to shut the fuck up?
*******

2022 April 4

  • At Hilltop now a covid, flu, and strep outbreak
  • Two weeks ago the mask mandate lifted as did mandatory covid testing for undergraduates
  • 80% of people on campus maskless, all aware of the covid, flu, and strep outbreak
  • Myself and my colleagues wear masks because one of us is six months pregnant and worries
  • Our boss doesn’t, sits in small enclosed rooms with us
  • My colleagues are livid at boss and I am livid for them
  • Key component of our shitlord ordered daily reprogramming
  • requires lucratively rewarded amoral shitlord psy-op savants rewiring us
  • to ignore the personal livid for seething hatred
  • against anything and anybody and everything but shitlords
  • Did you know that Disney is Communist?
  • I will ask my boss in our weekly one-on-one to wear a mask at least in the presence of the one of us who is pregnant
  • I’m not hopeful I won’t have to write about it without some increase to my personal lividity, revolution!

2022 March 29

  1. Made the mistake again of attempting a novel recommended by anyone I know in real life or digital who talks incessantly about Blanchot
  2. It hurts, this wanting to give a dimension to life when life is precisely that dimension, Ashbery said
  3. I’m not reseeding MSADI5G but the new Destroyer album versus the new Guided by Voices album, it’s not close, so not close, so I am reseeding: I rescind Guided by Voices elevation to Third Permanent Seat, I can type about this all day every day and my forbidding myself even in digitabletdaily works most days
  4. Destroyer’s new album did it, sparked it, five great songs, two omg songs, two holyfuck songs, one KABOOM, three seconds in, the only reason it will never be one of my five favorite songs ever is I’m old and other songs have up to a fifty year head start
  5. three seconds in, KABOOM JOY! laugh, I’d forgot, kaboom joy like pain kaboom
  6. body remembered, mind-muffled until activated, poof! everyone wants to be engraved as an epitaph
  7. Other than Ashbery, who people call difficult, I don’t want to read geniuses analyzing why they can’t (but *how* Zeno’s dilemma close they got page after painstaking page) capture the ineffable in words, woe and angst (and zero humor)
  8. Ashbery said, Alone with our madness and favorite flower we see that there really is nothing left to write about. Or rather, it is necessary to write about the same old things in the same way, repeating the same things over and over for love to continue and be gradually different
  9. Destroyer’s new album reminded me I (still love Roxy Music) thrill on tribal trills, their kits and chords, I chimed. There, I tried