
2025 February 24






One of side of L’s birthday present above, other below



Canary
Whethervain
Slothrop
Fool


I currently only use pencil in writing tablet but for years I used fountain pens, it took years to transition and will soon be illegal in America and punishable by death.
I threw away all my fountain pen ink but two, the two I thought could but couldn’t save the pens, Ive emptied the bottle I had of each into a squeeze bottle and infused them in clear elmers glue and stirred for fifteen minutes then upside-downed squeeze bottle then hourglassed it the other way, they don’t stain fingers like when no glue, both in the above, the brown and beloved noxzema bottle blue



Didn’t stop painting but did stop thinking about posting them, as in it wasn’t a conscious decision, I just stopped posting them, that’s new, excellently encouraging, excellently frightening. Should I post a shadow of what I made?
One of the three people who’ve seen one of these in real life said more people in real life are not going to see them unless I put them out there and you should put them out there, more people should see them. I don’t want to, praise me for these all you people who’ve never seen one of these and never will. I keep posting shadows of what I make. Finest fucking metaphor for me forever me

23rd draft before I fuck it up


The post below finished, not touching it again, learn when to abandon, yo, first time I used straight watercolor in months if not year or two. I’ve discovered the longer I let the first draft cure the crisper the wet interaction between first draft second draft – curing prevents the heavier from flooding the lighter. Meanwhile:



So to remove one or the other or both and add a new avatar I need register for and teach myself something called gravatar and at first glance fuck that (I would keep and/or replace the red, definitely want to delete me). I just renewed wordpress for another year, it’s not buyer’s remorse, it’s buyer’s self-contempt in service to fine self-servicing metaphors abounding
The above’s paper scissored into a rough circle and glued to the below, scissored into a rough circle, currently in the excellent book press I have access to, once solidly glued it will be put in a box and not looked at again until time to destroy the contents of that box, I know it’s not the best way to express myself to others but currently this is the only way to express myself to me



Dead already by five minutes, deader by the second, clear elmer’s glue and acrylic ink sustain but I insist gouache mirror my joints hike-wrung to death, dyingwet. Self-portrait for my 65th on the 28th

I seethe then go disc
golf, I bought underweight arch
angels for 13
at Seneca. I
make myself this like this. I’ll
hate this in morning

Archiving these recent hexjeff’s against my tendency to forget to. All are gouache and acrylic ink infused in clear elmers glue, the two rimmed with painters tape part of a project I’m betting won’t see completion (and are now glued to each other, and I need write about that if only to myself in tablet with pencil, Jeff), the above (which may or not be glued to the below because the below has competition) has pencil (and if there’s a monologue associated with any of these it’s the above and will be or not at the sho(i)u(t)ty place)




In theory the head
next full-body self-portrait
decapitated
before torso made,
as forgotten in my head
as put in a box


Horses are slaughtered
for watercolor paper
that bleeds at the rate
I prefer. Elmer’s
glue gelatinizes clear
into the amber
I think makes me cle-
ver. Bad fakes good fakes fake am-
ber fakes me fake clean


My aoxomoxoaphase. Dead already except digitally
Wet sopped up before it dried to mud. 6th palimpsest


First two after the two week hiatus, I didn’t realize how much I missed it until I started again and that alone makes the hiatus successful
It’d flashed but never tableted that while most of these meant to spin four-sidedly in your hands I always post here the one of four on each I like best and without fail that one is the one upside-down from the orientation of the hex when permanent compositional boundaries set: whatever I make, upside-down be best and makes me laugh, and that alone makes the hiatus successful


Who I am, who I want to be


Black earring in the pink Doctor Servin earlobe a live dying bug
Flew onto this canvas sodden w gouache & acrylic ink in clear Elmer’s glue
Landed at the top, dragged its ass down to the bottom, made it too
a dry spot – that orange blood trail to the left of the south Jersey
ear, the brush was the bug – and stuck, exhausted, in pain and desperately
scared, flapping its wings as I type this – wait a second – I say mercy
but what would anyone say if accused of an unwitnessed murder



This version one, sopped post-photo, see what Sunday

My left eye above, my right eye below



Just now, still wet.
I mentioned at BLCKDGRD a hiatus from these squares the week after next because – I didn’t say this there – my wife will be in Iceland with my daughter for two weeks on their dream vacation
I need process why I do this and need write in tablet with pencil to answer, what am I doing, how seriously do I take this as sustenance if I forget what I painted yesterday and how?
Two hours later (as in just now): above sopped up

The top headshot be dead, the below dying, if alive tomorrow I will kill it




Don’t write a poem about
you and circles I tell me
How writing poems about
circles, the compulsion
to write them makes me
paint circles about circles
And those things I make
which I can’t call art
because there’s boxes of them
I can’t throw away in case
I get famous. Where I spot
on the spectrum I’m not sure
but am glad I was not
my third grade teacher
Why I hate revisions
Why I forget what I made
once I plunge publish
and put in a box and then seal



Yes! I think about the mediums I use and how these start dying a second after applied, this started 30 minutes ago, finished few minutes ago, look at it dull


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Who I want to be above, who I am below

