Haiku taught me my
raving has a safe space not
to be Our Shitlords

know your time is short
and dreary if you’re lucky
Haiku rage machine
Haiku taught me my
raving has a safe space not
to be Our Shitlords
know your time is short
and dreary if you’re lucky
Haiku rage machine
Not type night yet time
running out he taps Wiser
me still stops to think
instead of just typing
this counting to five focuses
abacus
me on beads for praise
Freight trains kettled in my bark
yards abbreviated
Lynn’s friend’s first ask:
So when are you retiring
She claims she knew me
Gaithersburg High School
She knows more about my life
than I know of hers
Newest theory: I
too can break kayfabe fat chance
it gets broke by me
Hurtling, me. Outrage
outpaced by duh, paraphrase
daily. Spurtling me
Exculpatory | Machiavellianism | obliterated | ||||||||
Americanized | anthropomorphically | demasculinized | ||||||||
obamination | anesthesiologist | discombobulate | ||||||||
incapacitate | politicalization | Abolitionists | ||||||||
underestimate | falsifiability’s | serendipity | ||||||||
I woke from mourning | ||
nap Allude prance pun cellar | ||
break Back to the duh | ||
I | nap | break |
woke | Allude | Daily |
from | prance | duh |
mourning | pun | back |
cellar | ||
break Back to the duh | ||
nap Allude prance pun cellar | ||
I woke from mourning |
© | ® | ≠ | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
P | l | e | a | s | e | d | w | i | t | h | t | o | d | a | y’ | s | p | o | o | p | |||||||||||
c | o | n | t | e | n | t | a | n | d | p | r | e | s | e | n | t | a | t | i | o | n | © | |||||||||
b | o | t | h, | f | a | r | t | M | i | c | h | i | g | a | n | ||||||||||||||||
® | © | ® | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
© | o | u | t | o | f | m | y | s | y | s | t | e | m | ||||||||||||||||||
F | u | c | k | m | e | a | n | d | p | a | r | a | p | h | r | a | s | i | n | g | |||||||||||
m | e | a | n | d | p | r | e | t | e | n | d | i | n | g | ® | ||||||||||||||||
© | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
© | p | a | r | a | p | h | r | a | s | i | n | g | m | e | |||||||||||||||||
a | n | g | u | i | s | h | e | s | m | e, | m | y | m | o | l | e | s | k | i | n | e | s | © | ||||||||
f | r | o | m | 1 | 9 | 8 | 0 | © | |||||||||||||||||||||||
© | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
m | i | l | d | e | w | i | n | g | u | n | r | e | a | d | |||||||||||||||||
b | y | m | e, | t | h | a | n | k | y | o | u | f | o | r | p | i | n | g | i | n | g | ||||||||||
m | y | s | c | r | e | a | m | ! | W | o | r | l | d | d | y | i | n | g | |||||||||||||
® | © | ® | ≠ |
I think get out of stocks
bury the money in land
pretend land not stolen
Digital money, can’t
buy hummus at student
union w dollar bills
Why bother with chip
implanting, I volunteer,
shit, I fucking beg
You! Look at me! often
If I wanted office I’d
run on hate too three and four
campaign promises
matter, their unmattering
composts, click POST now
Olive, Stanley, Crow | ||||||||||
side door our house gif by C | ||||||||||
who’s here! Joy! A week | ||||||||||
from Saturday we | ||||||||||
drive to Michigan, today | ||||||||||
C & I Phillips | ||||||||||
(^ Diebenkorn, yo ^) | ||||||||||
tomorrow we three | ||||||||||
Glenstone, we will Toledo | ||||||||||
once in Michigan | ||||||||||
Hope for and hope not | |||
I can’t help with that | |||
academic scaffolding | |||
My new five seven | |||
five elephant note haiku | |||
five seven five jug | |||
five font bucks a month | |||
Locals debate whether shock | |||
wave or vaporize | |||
Don’t stop typing to grid this | |||
Don’t stop to digress elsewhere | |||
Don’t stop to rewrite | |||
but stop to reread | |||
tomorrow Stop worrying | |||
annihilation | |||
just hope that it’s quick | |||
Academic scaffolding: | |||
schtick death to this grid |
E | v | e | r | y | t | h | i | n | g’ | s | a | w | o | r | k | |||||||||||||
e | s | p | e | c | i | a | l | l | y | h | o | n | e | s | t | e | f | f | o | r | t | s | ||||||
i | n | d | i | s | s | o | n | a | n | t | n | o | w | |||||||||||||||
9 | 9 | % | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
a | l | g | o | r | t | h | m | d | e | s | i | g | n | e | d | w | h | i | r | l | p | o | o | l | ||||
h | a | l | f- | t | r | u | t | h | s | j | u | s | t | f | o | r | y | o | u | |||||||||
H | o | w | f | a | k | e | d | o | i | n | e | e | d | |||||||||||||||
t | o | s | e | e | m | t | o | m | a | k | e | y | o | u | b | e | l | i | e | v | e | |||||||
w | h | a | t | i’ | m | n | o | t | s | e | l | l | i | n | g | |||||||||||||
y | o | u | m | o | r | e | t | h | a | n | h | a | l | f- | t | r | u | e | ||||||||||
T | h | e | s | e | c | r | e | t | w | o | r | d | i | s | f | l | e | a | b | u | s | |||||||
M | o | w | r | m | r | m | y | s | i | g | h | o | f | h | o | n | o | r | ||||||||||
what | i | like | and | what | |||
I | hate | about | evernote | ||||
a | please | me | hai | ku | |||
HEY! | a | test | of | the | |||
EMERGENCY OLIGARCH | |||||||
uh | AWOOGA | oh | |||||
Helmetball | at | best | |||||
academic | scaffolding | ||||||
(sorry | wrong | seven | |||||
syllable | grievance) | ||||||
motherfucking | metaphor | ||||||
particularly | |||||||
how | fast | (I’m | obsessed) | ||||
friend | spin | by | stop | scolding, | Jeff | ||
No | gentle | Remind | |||||
Of | course | George | is | my | |
favorite | he’s | most | people | I | |
like’s | favorite | we’re | George | ||
Ukraine | nuclear | ||||
John | v | Paul | radiation | ||
fuck | dying | from | that | ||
but the grid reminds me (a) I did leave the prebepod voluntarily at least 50/50 I was not kicked out and was represented at my wedding by people I cho(o)se to hang with (b) David Phillips the one break-up I don’t remember (Annie Hawk, laugh) cleanly but that was when we were all at our worse and best acid-wise
but was reminded by latest grid to pay MORE ATTENTION TO THE UP AND DOWN re otherDavid, neither Dave, barklaughingly, every dave I’ve met
True won’t affect who doesn’t read but now that I’ve granted myself privilege to not post when I don’t want to I have no reason to not spend the time honing the post, subtler than folding the towels
Y | e | s | b | u | t | n | o | t | t | h | i | s | o | n | e | ||||||||
D | o | n | / | t | u | s | e | m | e | as | u | e | x | c | u | s | e | ||||||
T | o | n | i | g | h | t | b | u | t | n | o | m | o | r | e | ||||||||
N | o | m | o | r | e | t | o | n | i | g | h | t | b | u | t | ||||||||
m | e | as | y | o | u | r | e | x | c | u | s | e | j | u | s | t | n | o | |||||
A | l | l | y | e | s | e | s | a | r | e | n | o | e | s | |||||||||
M | y | p | r | o | g | n | o | s | i | s | n | o | t | ||||||||||||||
w | r | o | n | g | m | y | d | i | a | g | n | o | s | i | s | n | o | t | |||||||||
w | r | o | n | g | m | y | r | e | m | e | d | i | e | s | |||||||||||||
s | u | c | k | I | t | h | o | u | g | h | t | k | a | y | f | a | b | e | |||||||||
b | r | o | k | e | n | t | h | e | r | e | w | a | s | n | e | v | e | r | k | a | y | ||||||
f | a | b | e | b | r | e | a | k | f | a | s | t | a | b | l | e | |||||||||||
a | l | w | a | y | s | n | o | d | e | n | y | ||||||||||||||||
k | n | o | w | i | n | g | a | l | w | a | y | s | d | e | n | y | i | n | g | ||||||||
D | E | f | o | r | e | s | l | a | s | h | o | r | |||||||||||||||
Trend chalk pious done | ||||||||
Not a poet in general | ||||||||
but especially | ||||||||
not a disaster | ||||||||
poet lavishly painting | ||||||||
gruesome evidence | ||||||||
flowerfully stab | ||||||||
by enraged stab by happy | ||||||||
flowered enraged stab | ||||||||
Not a poet in | ||||||||
general but especially | ||||||||
not quiet though I | ||||||||
try and rereading | ||||||||
know I’m a better disaster | ||||||||
poet trend chalk pious done |
A year ago today I posted the first grid, I typed last night |
Transitioning from ink and tablet journal keeping ended my ink and tablet self-portraiting because why? that’s right, fuck me |
some of those early grids hoowee and quoting from links like chum, chum, like you’ll click or beg-me bait when you won’t at basic bait |
I miss writing in journals and still do on hikes when Earthgirl paints, but deciphering my handwriting and editing before comprehending when translating and typing into digital, unfuck me there, I could tap into simplenote on my phone on hike when Earthgirl painting it just occurred to me laugh out loud, when have lots of days to hike the next two weeks |
I started tapping at simplenote in Summer 2020 and its limitations freed me with an archiving option tablets don’t have – I can’t do anything in it *but* type and tag then cut and paste and – here’s the key – abandon knowing I reread it in a horrible sans serif font I can’t change but can control + the screen so I can read it without squinting. I build the link grids in sheets, the part that’s me typed in simplenote |
The grid I realized an attempt to replace the ink and watercolor straight lines intersecting at deliberately just plus or minus 90 degree angles, once I discovered posting photos into grid cells didn’t crash my free shitlord blogging platform but did allow just one post to front page at a time and the asshole in charge of brand marketing in my head said no can do |
That’s right, here’s where I talk about Tony Hecht who taught me structure liberates, freedom constricts, I think this true, and though the haikus have dried up and I seem to be following no rules now and am content with content |
In any case, I had no idea a year since I started gridding and never stopped and though hooweed through iterations but I see grids remaining until they don’t, I can’t imagine me thinking the bullets before the grid should replace the grid, I can’t imagine my eyesight improving to when I desire a smaller font (push me) |
I thought life in bro | ken kayfabe would be more fun | ||
idiot admits | |||
No potus bishop
diagonals or knights L
much less king castles
minus shitlord Yes.
Casino Afghanistan
hemorrhaging equi-
ty its viabil
ity dry sump-pumpng its
liability
Don’t over think it
Kayfabe doesn’t break
minus shitlord Yes
I am the plumber*
invited to committees
by professionals
to describe shit-tubes’
best practices re: shitty
deliberate choke
points (professionals
either acknowledge I know
of what I speak or
forever dismiss
me (death to the either/or)
as embittered staph)
What makes a good boss
sharpest interview question:
Me, nine of ten say
*I am the polite
Bajoran people invite
to symposiums
but have no real sway
among my people* today’s
lame metaphor, gag
Kayfabe past broken
now obsolete, remember,
sacrosanct a band
donned fans in colors
Each year your team’s demoted
Jeff, try shutting up
signals jeff signals | ||||||
jeff signals jeff signals jeff | ||||||
ignores jeff signals |
Disclaimer: I’ve no
academic scaffolding
so stop reading now
you want allusions
beyond those I discover
after abandon
gladyskravitzing
I tweeted and no one liked
13 stopped scrolling
immediately
scrolled on. Gladys the scold
saw Samantha this
Endora that, did
the original Gladys
survive black and white’s
death? Name gatekeeping
what made me think of Gladys
and not forgotten
interlibrary
loan coordinator Scold
reminded today
phew. Gladys Kravitz,
I forget her husband’s name
I could look it up
but that research, no.
Sc(r)ol(l)d. Sc(r)ol(l)ded. So yes it’s worked
out as designed to
the clusterfuck I tweeted
reflexively at a dope
who should know better
motherfucking scold
asserts. Scrolls past his life. Types
haikus in carrels
Gulf of Mexico
on fire, ruptured pipeline
burning Triskelion
crude gallons of greed
Hurricane targeting Gulf
Arctic melting, Portland
Billionaire Space Race
Update as fucking often
as necessary
re: Washington Post
(disclosure: space racer owned)
Hey! don’t look at that
look the fuck at this!
How do you pronounce Barthelme
my latest savior
I give me until
Tuesday to fail him Shitlord
actuaries urge
shitlord divestment
from peasants, planet poisoned
should one shitlord care
Yawn. Manchin. Man chin.
Mansion. YES! the UFOs!
chum Russia China
pad military
budget propaganda bait
What if – hear me out –
90% yes
but 10% trial balloon
How much will you eat?
My problem with line
I handcuff myself to fix
Nothing horrifies
me MOST than hear my
voicemail voice the fuck
Speech impediment
that’s Hungarian
my dad’s Serb father
called my English. I
abandoned paper
tablets I handcuff myself
I could not fill out
a blank alphabet
template but typed this haiku
in the dark the fuck
Incendiary
Cicadapaloozaburg
disciplinary
truth: it sucks so far
Not what promised, remembered
Coordinated
concatenated
cicada psalms deafening:
no Hot tomorrow
Sunday, Monday sing
cicadas or we’ve fucked up
Earth more than we know
Forgive me, I’ve no
academic scaffolding
certainly no chair
you’d sit your ass on
When psyops ups the cracker
to eleven bi
den Bidenism
righter than frank, o! the the
orists (add link the the)
object subjecting
subject objecting subject
human humans hum
aning Forgive me
academic scaffolding
can get you published
but academic
scaffolding gets you psyops
jobs, a farm system
to sieve game theorists
rookie ball to Triple A
Smarts the second
plus skill weighed. Men. Day.
Shush. The shittiest humans
hire shittiest
savants who process
photographic memories
of everything read
everything seen, fat
on data they compete to
harvest for bonus
and promotion first
Academic scaffolding
softball field needs moan
daily, the fucking ladder
match, tiers, “accidental” scarf
folding in woodchip
per provost’s rat
io an academic
not savant fucks you
I’m angry my life
doesn’t suck enough to vouch
my constant anger
I make myself scared
laugh, I’d fold in a second
tortured, poop and pee
Happy no torture
I resent being ignored
Poke me No, wait! Don’t
What surprises me
how long it takes. Since story
tellers first archived
day’s impending end
scream me this alarm tonight
It always gets worse
but animals who
can rationalize proxies
as independent
actors can enjoy
tonight’s thunderstorm, rainbow
know there’s tomorrow
No, I’m nobody
wasn’t aimed at me, shrapnel
My lords and ladies
tell me they praise me
to my parole officer,
if they do parole
officer resents
Honeypots don’t invite me
where I’d like to go
The fuck would I go?
Official stimulus should
be seven syla
bbles Our rewiring
on schedule! Me, nobody
This shouldn’t take long
Obsolete me, noun | |||||||
verb, me and obsolete | |||||||
Life in Obsolesceneocene | |||||||
Obsolescent in life | |||||||
verb and obsoletes me | |||||||
Noun me! Obsolete |
Both can be true by | ||||
common denominator | ||||
neither of them real | ||||
Personally I’m | ||||
eyeing retirement, my | ||||
complicity my | ||||
blindness my in | ||||
ability to STFU do you | ||||
eleven, I seven | ||||
We’ve done the math re | ||||
tire who tire quicker | ||||
of a not dire | ||||
alarm Cassandra | ||||
please don’t kill the canary | ||||
please be fool and do | ||||
whether vain or not | ||||
keep telling the same damn joke | ||||
Still funny to me |
My badge green, I ate | |||||||
the mandatory laxative | |||||||
swallowed uncoerced | |||||||
for $. $ needs I. | |||||||
I let my dentist hammer | |||||||
my mouth My $igned deal |
The cracker market
never been hotter short sell
these motherfuckers
just shitlord yachtzee
pachinkoing me and you
Are these fuckers nuts?
Yes! more than us nuts
they harvest. I auto-pay
all utilities
electricity
especially my cord to you
the fuck good are lights
My reconnaissancing
me for them I type at you
Market the cracker
How can’t uncrumple
me once I do wreck not if
More poison? Fuck duh
Taugh lork wat choday
grad student researching Bond
movies, reminded
to wonder again
over/under on total
thousands of bullets
shot at all Bonds, none
of which killed him. Bond my
Batman problem: just
cap the motherfucker
Fuck making him beg for mercy, die slo(u)w(g)l(h)y in a taffy-puller
Kill the motherfucker, haven’t you been watching?
Imagine how strange
people you zoom with will look
when you can touch them
I zoom work facetime
one beloved forgive me I’m
shit correspondant
Imagine how odder
fatter wrinklier wiser
we who rarely saw
each other before
plague will judge the other post
house arrest kinder
O! Our first facial
expressions shining with joy,
weighed comparison
If in a subway
wrapper that isn’t tuna
How many years now?
That to a tweet about eating a tuna sandwich found under a car, no more details available
We are being retrained, I am asking you three times to admit it, post-Trump withdrawal
the taste of Biden chum. Mitch McConnell voted to approve Merrick Garland for Attorney General
That Vollmann Dying
Grass allusion I’m Fathers
& Crows again aight
Erase by writing
what I’ll refuse to reread
as if void renewed.
I cannot recite
a single poem I’ve written.
I pay for a cloud
to mausoleum
yesterday’s blackout orphan.
I never rewrite
abandon, a ban
on random bonded tangents.
Close the door, Haiku
I am the Picard
who did not fight the gnaw say
cans. Flag officer
not me though praise me
as one. Responsibili
ty I voluntar
ily skip and call art.
I did not lead the away
team to rescue my
ambition’s eval
tier I could achieve if max
asshole, not worth my
soul, ambitionless
since win hiking with Earthgirl.
Hugging my daughter
I’m always happy
the day after I didn’t
publish night before
but fuckit’s buckets
my choke collar’s batteries
died this fucking plague
unlimited lack
of contact but fingertap
me up you me how
same but beautifully
strange when I hug you the first time
see a year’s difference
When was the last time
I called in sick literally?
Figuratively?
I tend to explain | ||||||
what I just wrote why I turned | ||||||
to haiku’s tasers | ||||||
zwertzing extra breaths | ||||||
before I forget what breaths | ||||||
I forgot to breathe | ||||||
thrilled by my zwertzing | ||||||
insight lost in my zwertzing | ||||||
zwertz Me! nonetheless | ||||||
into my breathstream | ||||||
I have to count to seven | ||||||
(to pick a number) | ||||||
somewhere (here is where | ||||||
I explain why I explain | ||||||
why I explain why) |