Category: 575

2021 December 20

A year ago today I posted the first grid, I typed last night
Transitioning from ink and tablet journal keeping ended my ink and tablet self-portraiting because why? that’s right, fuck me
some of those early grids hoowee and quoting from links like chum, chum, like you’ll click or beg-me bait when you won’t at basic bait
I miss writing in journals and still do on hikes when Earthgirl paints, but deciphering my handwriting and editing before comprehending when translating and typing into digital, unfuck me there, I could tap into simplenote on my phone on hike when Earthgirl painting it just occurred to me laugh out loud, when have lots of days to hike the next two weeks
I started tapping at simplenote in Summer 2020 and its limitations freed me with an archiving option tablets don’t have – I can’t do anything in it *but* type and tag then cut and paste and – here’s the key – abandon knowing I reread it in a horrible sans serif font I can’t change but can control + the screen so I can read it without squinting. I build the link grids in sheets, the part that’s me typed in simplenote
The grid I realized an attempt to replace the ink and watercolor straight lines intersecting at deliberately just plus or minus 90 degree angles, once I discovered posting photos into grid cells didn’t crash my free shitlord blogging platform but did allow just one post to front page at a time and the asshole in charge of brand marketing in my head said no can do
That’s right, here’s where I talk about Tony Hecht who taught me structure liberates, freedom constricts, I think this true, and though the haikus have dried up and I seem to be following no rules now and am content with content
In any case, I had no idea a year since I started gridding and never stopped and though hooweed through iterations but I see grids remaining until they don’t, I can’t imagine me thinking the bullets before the grid should replace the grid, I can’t imagine my eyesight improving to when I desire a smaller font (push me)

2021 August 12

I am the plumber*
invited to committees
by professionals

to describe shit-tubes’
best practices re: shitty
deliberate choke

points (professionals
either acknowledge I know
of what I speak or

forever dismiss
me (death to the either/or)
as embittered staph)

What makes a good boss
sharpest interview question:
Me, nine of ten say

*I am the polite
Bajoran people invite
to symposiums

but have no real sway
among my people* today’s
lame metaphor, gag

2021 July 13

gladyskravitzing
I tweeted and no one liked
13 stopped scrolling

immediately
scrolled on. Gladys the scold
saw Samantha this

Endora that, did
the original Gladys
survive black and white’s

death? Name gatekeeping
what made me think of Gladys
and not forgotten

interlibrary
loan coordinator Scold
reminded today

phew. Gladys Kravitz,
I forget her husband’s name
I could look it up

but that research, no.
Sc(r)ol(l)d. Sc(r)ol(l)ded. So yes it’s worked
out as designed to

the clusterfuck I tweeted
reflexively at a dope
who should know better

motherfucking scold
asserts. Scrolls past his life. Types
haikus in carrels

2021 July 3

Gulf of Mexico
on fire, ruptured pipeline
burning Triskelion

crude gallons of greed
Hurricane targeting Gulf
Arctic melting, Portland

Billionaire Space Race
Update as fucking often
as necessary

re: Washington Post
(disclosure: space racer owned)
Hey! don’t look at that

look the fuck at this!
How do you pronounce Barthelme
my latest savior

I give me until
Tuesday to fail him Shitlord
actuaries urge

shitlord divestment
from peasants, planet poisoned
should one shitlord care

2021 May 27

My problem with line
I handcuff myself to fix
Nothing horrifies

me MOST than hear my
voicemail voice the fuck
Speech impediment

that’s Hungarian
my dad’s Serb father
called my English. I

abandoned paper
tablets I handcuff myself
I could not fill out

a blank alphabet
template but typed this haiku
in the dark the fuck

2021 May 19

Forgive me, I’ve no
academic scaffolding
certainly no chair

you’d sit your ass on
When psyops ups the cracker
to eleven bi

den Bidenism
righter than frank, o! the the
orists (add link the the)

object subjecting
subject objecting subject
human humans hum

aning Forgive me
academic scaffolding
can get you published

but academic
scaffolding gets you psyops
jobs, a farm system

to sieve game theorists
rookie ball to Triple A
Smarts the second

plus skill weighed. Men. Day.
Shush. The shittiest humans
hire shittiest

savants who process
photographic memories
of everything read

everything seen, fat
on data they compete to
harvest for bonus

and promotion first
Academic scaffolding
softball field needs moan

daily, the fucking ladder
match, tiers, “accidental” scarf
folding in woodchip

per provost’s rat
io an academic
not savant fucks you

2021 May 1

No, I’m nobody
wasn’t aimed at me, shrapnel
My lords and ladies

tell me they praise me
to my parole officer,
if they do parole

officer resents
Honeypots don’t invite me
where I’d like to go

The fuck would I go?
Official stimulus should
be seven syla

bbles Our rewiring
on schedule! Me, nobody
This shouldn’t take long

2021 April 9

The cracker market
never been hotter short sell
these motherfuckers

just shitlord yachtzee
pachinkoing me and you
Are these fuckers nuts?

Yes! more than us nuts
they harvest. I auto-pay
all utilities

electricity
especially my cord to you
the fuck good are lights

My reconnaissancing
me for them I type at you
Market the cracker

2021 March 24

Taugh lork wat choday
grad student researching Bond
movies, reminded

to wonder again
over/under on total
thousands of bullets

shot at all Bonds, none
of which killed him. Bond my
Batman problem: just

cap the motherfucker
Fuck making him beg for mercy, die slo(u)w(g)l(h)y in a taffy-puller
Kill the motherfucker, haven’t you been watching?

2021 March 17

Imagine how strange
people you zoom with will look
when you can touch them

I zoom work facetime
one beloved forgive me I’m
shit correspondant

Imagine how odder
fatter wrinklier wiser
we who rarely saw

each other before
plague will judge the other post
house arrest kinder

O! Our first facial
expressions shining with joy,
weighed comparison

2021 March 12

If in a subway
wrapper that isn’t tuna
How many years now?

That to a tweet about eating a tuna sandwich found under a car, no more details available
We are being retrained, I am asking you three times to admit it, post-Trump withdrawal
the taste of Biden chum. Mitch McConnell voted to approve Merrick Garland for Attorney General

That Vollmann Dying
Grass allusion I’m Fathers
& Crows again aight

2021 March 3

I’m always happy
the day after I didn’t
publish night before

but fuckit’s buckets
my choke collar’s batteries
died this fucking plague

unlimited lack
of contact but fingertap
me up you me how

same but beautifully
strange when I hug you the first time
see a year’s difference

When was the last time
I called in sick literally?
Figuratively?

2021 February 14

After the National Guardsperson scanned my QR code, my drivers license, and asked me my birthday then read the legal liability disclaimer and I was next in line for a shot Earthgirl said for the fourth time today, seventh time two day total, I am utterly fascinated by this, and I agreed, planning, coordination, an efficiently tight operation after nine months of zoom meetings with bosses who were idiots before the plague, it…
National Guardspersons herding people through an amusement park’s giant parking lot of a cornfield maze of orange cones in freezing rain, the abandoned rides in the distance this weekend’s second finest metaphor abounding, the finest that neither me or Earthgirl could get a decent photo
When I go self-swab two times a week at Illhoptay signage warning me not to take photos everywhere, on Saturday at Six Flags I didn’t think to take photos and I looked Sunday for posted no photo signs and saw none, looked at the paperwork handed me, not a word about photos, I know Illhoptay a private business but I am telling you three times: Last Weekend in My Trained Complicity
Alternative theory not in opposition: we hike, we shop, we go to work in car or house, this felt like a freaking vacation, the first fucking unique, as in haven’t done *that* before day since how many months, years, before the plague?
Kettling and retraining reminds me of my kettling and retraining

2021 January 27

Fellow knobbotons…
I caught it, here, I’d say, here’s
the key the treeknob

shrine grab your beads now
and I stop to fix typo
gone Goons count on this

Seven of the thirteen
shrines installed since Giftmas’
(does that seven count?)

still breathing I want
snow the fuck is wrong with me
knobbuddies, it’s gone

2021 January 17

I will clean a pen
so when I don’t use it it
theoretically

would ink the tablet    
I don't have in my backpack 
along not with my   

malfunctioning pen  
I deeply strained my hamstring  
tripping on step stool  

saved my life, forehead 
melonwise split on endcap   
I am grateful to limp   

pleased I can still dodge   
but alerted: I never    
almost died tripping    

and twanged an ouchy    
like an old man with dry pens   
and inkless tablet

2021 January 5

Faith cannot be bought
though fake belief can be smoked
but not if it’s not
cured in honest rot
slow-roasted in extra-hoaxed
faith of the tree knot
Zealots can be bought,
taught to hear each word spoken
as instruction not
faith, grifts’ full jackpot….
I’ve faith in trees, and my broken
faith is overwrought
but not for sale. Caught
paying for belief I joked
slap’s most when it’s not
My faith leaves a blot
in every hole ever poked
Faith cannot be bought
Find a free tree knot

2020 December 1

Obamapostasy
Obamagony
Obamallogory
Obamabasement
Obamabhorence
Obamapocalype
Obamacorn
Obamasshole
Obamalcoholic
Obamavalance
Obamasthma
Obamaccordian
Obamassassin
Obamapathy
Obamalarm
Obamabsolution
Obamappendix
Obamactuary
Obamassimiliation
Obamasphalt
Obamapple
Obamarchive
Obamarsenal
Obamarsenic
Obamadjudication
Obamarrest
Obamapoliticalization
Obamadvocate
Obamagnostic
Obamapologest
Obamattack
Obamanchorites
Obamarmageddon
Obamargonaut
Obamaerosol
Obamabsolutes
Obamarrogance
Obamarriviste
Obamawooga
Obamagain

2020 November 27

Awooga to Me
Daily: boxes still, not snakes
like I promised me

Like I promised me
daily, still not caught again
awooga to me

ignored, unpunished
my awooga, what do cops
call their sonic farts

Jeff. If I don’t read
me the day after writing
abandoning all

but awooga, read &
revise sub-awooga be
my buried awoog

a point jeff: Jeff need
don’t publish any awoo
ga before I don’t

publish old or new
awooga, don’t other do
ga-awoo & ga

wooa I’m Agoo
Pubblish this awuugu
obsoawoolete

2020 September 17

It’s gone this version
Dead live, human talent
limited infinite combination

See what I’m doing
two-thirds a finished haiku
but live the third line of the stanza as sloppily as my life

I always think more
what who reads me thinks than think
about what I wrote

Reprogammed three times
every voice I hear I don’t
see a mouth move I’m

one two three four five
reliable narrator
look at me counting

2020 September 8

Bet honest unhinged
beats unhinged surveyed programmed
disingenuous

Disinformation
here’s me disinforming me
seven syllables

unhinged from rhythm
but I can count good. Kayfabe
(you knew I’d say that)

say the truth out loud
though it goes against our faith
(I’m talking to me)

code-tapping on pipes
insider wink, sacrifice
negotiated

unhinged from promise
but – this is key – in on it.
I’m talking to me