Author: Jeff Popovich

2021 October 17

Subaru hate and desperate I own a new Subaru
a base model 2022 Impreza sedan one of only two new cars available
plus Fitz did me right on the trade-in for fucked-up service on recall
Too, try walk into a car dealership and buy a new car, cash in hand
there will not be another new car in America until 2025
Bluetooth works there’s no CD-player
console not a casino slot machine
It made it to 70 on 270 today without shuddering

2021 October 7

Confirmed I don’t want to read Elkin now
Found a Bad Man on shelf on Tuesday
read with nostalgic tingling the opening chapters…
This has nothing to do with my least favorite cat
who will deliberately scratch out my left eye
before Lynn accidentally breaks my ankles
getting into bed is named after Stanley Elkin
Elkin is a garotte, I once loved in, now I’m out

2021 August 12

I am the plumber*
invited to committees
by professionals

to describe shit-tubes’
best practices re: shitty
deliberate choke

points (professionals
either acknowledge I know
of what I speak or

forever dismiss
me (death to the either/or)
as embittered staph)

What makes a good boss
sharpest interview question:
Me, nine of ten say

*I am the polite
Bajoran people invite
to symposiums

but have no real sway
among my people* today’s
lame metaphor, gag

2021 August 10

Our shitlord astronauts, who are not actually shitlords but for Bezos, actively fuckyouing you, I’m leaving this
shithole as soon as I can. Working in a university library slaps me daily re: attrition and decay as shitlord
Policy One. I no longer do the Slothrop allusion but I am a trajectory of motherfucking late boomers
No one has ever asked me and no one ever will why I didn’t type a period at the end of the third line.
Shitlords savant-mine amoral geniuses, their most gifted sociopathic actuaries tell them to tell peasants the shitlords rocketing to Mars
Betting on clusterfuck shitlord poker. Why do I daily shorthand and deliver shit you already know?

2021 July 17

How many times do you think you’ve pissed in your life?
I will be 62 in six weeks do the math that’s 22,630 days
4 into 62 add 15.5 days for leap years = 22,645.5 days
x how many times you pissed a day on average
factoring age, medical history, especially UTIs
plumbing and sump pump problems, weight fluctuations
everything you’ve forgot not just the last time you pissed

My problem acknowledging
Shitlords censoring crackers to incite crackers
yes to incite crackers but more incite me?
Works, visa versa of course, fractionally Shittier Chow when necessary!
The valence of -.06% less-shittiyism

For the oofed time tonight I remind myself not to explain, here’s
why How many times now? I don’t keep count

2021 July 13

gladyskravitzing
I tweeted and no one liked
13 stopped scrolling

immediately
scrolled on. Gladys the scold
saw Samantha this

Endora that, did
the original Gladys
survive black and white’s

death? Name gatekeeping
what made me think of Gladys
and not forgotten

interlibrary
loan coordinator Scold
reminded today

phew. Gladys Kravitz,
I forget her husband’s name
I could look it up

but that research, no.
Sc(r)ol(l)d. Sc(r)ol(l)ded. So yes it’s worked
out as designed to

the clusterfuck I tweeted
reflexively at a dope
who should know better

motherfucking scold
asserts. Scrolls past his life. Types
haikus in carrels

2021 July 3

Gulf of Mexico
on fire, ruptured pipeline
burning Triskelion

crude gallons of greed
Hurricane targeting Gulf
Arctic melting, Portland

Billionaire Space Race
Update as fucking often
as necessary

re: Washington Post
(disclosure: space racer owned)
Hey! don’t look at that

look the fuck at this!
How do you pronounce Barthelme
my latest savior

I give me until
Tuesday to fail him Shitlord
actuaries urge

shitlord divestment
from peasants, planet poisoned
should one shitlord care

2021 June 4

I caught me by surprise today and blurted
fartworkfresh in weekly me&boss
Presented as fact not me this time and HARD why
Boss agreed, at this moment I am not doghoused
I am old and my body is beginning to fail
Reminder Jeff, no one reads this except possibly but
probably not even me
Doghoused tomorrow, probably not, possibly

2021 May 27

My problem with line
I handcuff myself to fix
Nothing horrifies

me MOST than hear my
voicemail voice the fuck
Speech impediment

that’s Hungarian
my dad’s Serb father
called my English. I

abandoned paper
tablets I handcuff myself
I could not fill out

a blank alphabet
template but typed this haiku
in the dark the fuck

2021 May 19

Forgive me, I’ve no
academic scaffolding
certainly no chair

you’d sit your ass on
When psyops ups the cracker
to eleven bi

den Bidenism
righter than frank, o! the the
orists (add link the the)

object subjecting
subject objecting subject
human humans hum

aning Forgive me
academic scaffolding
can get you published

but academic
scaffolding gets you psyops
jobs, a farm system

to sieve game theorists
rookie ball to Triple A
Smarts the second

plus skill weighed. Men. Day.
Shush. The shittiest humans
hire shittiest

savants who process
photographic memories
of everything read

everything seen, fat
on data they compete to
harvest for bonus

and promotion first
Academic scaffolding
softball field needs moan

daily, the fucking ladder
match, tiers, “accidental” scarf
folding in woodchip

per provost’s rat
io an academic
not savant fucks you

2021 May 14

Interesting I thought for the first time in months yesterday the one thing I could be workdinged and today, interesting that many refuse to simultaneously hold that crackers are an existential threat emphasized and exaggerated by shitlords to slide motherfucking Democrats towards fascism *AND* are an existential threat because they fill garbage bags with gasoline and consider you trumped The first line about work but look at this I am not obsessing onlytwo offive lines in thispoem

2021 May 11

Every election is stolen even if only my vote counts I’ve lived in a democracy of three the one not the two I’ve never contested an election (while exercising my right to moan about results unto perpetuity unless concessions I have a point(s) are granted) much less fired bombed their holiest temple while forcibly evicting families from ancestral homes Who would I disappear if I had a Tantalus Field? Not you, elephant poachers, maybe, their white brown yellow any gendered shitlord patrons posing over the kill Rhinoceros Mutilator Facilitator Versus Trophy Hunting Sadist Shitlord: Would Jeff? If yes, which first? Your vote counts! How can I steal this election except by not voting?

2021 May 1

No, I’m nobody
wasn’t aimed at me, shrapnel
My lords and ladies

tell me they praise me
to my parole officer,
if they do parole

officer resents
Honeypots don’t invite me
where I’d like to go

The fuck would I go?
Official stimulus should
be seven syla

bbles Our rewiring
on schedule! Me, nobody
This shouldn’t take long

2021 April 27

ItmightbeadecadesinceIself-enforced
myrulethatonceIread1/10thof
anovelImustcompletethenovelno
matterwhat
Imeanttoenforceitduringarecent
attemptatrereadingthatfuckingwhalenoveland
intendedtoreadtherenderingoftorturedand
murderedwhalesbutfailed
Iamrereadingforthefirsttimebut
thatwouldberesearchyearsWilliamTVollmann’s
*FathersandCrows*BookTwooftheSeven
Dreamsinwhichmanyhumanswillbesavagely
torturedandmurdered
ThisIcanmakemyselfdo

2021 April 21

I have been skipping traditional birthday posts here, the last I did was Lena Lovich on March 30, I did not keep a list of who I skipped (but wish I had as bump for this sentence) and I’ll do the research April 2022 to remember who I skipped, I’m sure there are more than a dozen more my stations of my crosses than Lena Lovich’s station
I did not look the night-before-last for yesterday’s and didn’t notice yesterday’s until looking for today’s that yesterday a double birthday, Iggy was 74, Robert Smith 82, four months and a week younger than me
iggy song
I listen to any Iggy song I hear but haven’t personally sought out and played an Iggy song except on his birthdays or songs for a week off a new album release in two decades
I can play maybe a dozen and a half Iggy songs anytime I want in my head
I can play dozens of Cure songs in my head anytime I want
I seek out my Cure CDs (both those I bought and those SeatSix burned for me all the fucking time
cure song
Friends and Beloveds worry that I am angry on the road to Mad, and more, please shut the fuck up, you told me this already
I agree, why I took it out on traditional BLCKDGRD birthday posts I’ve a theory
I’m manipulated to be mad I’m not madder and mad I’m not sadder I do dick about it
iggy song
Sadd(l)er days of my life, when there’s no daily catastrophic kaboom in some room of my eleven houses I know something’s wrong
Sad, not mad, is new, I agree with friends and beloveds mad is not sustainable as an antidote to sad, which is new
Robert Smith is four months and one week older than me
Cure song

2021 April 20

My first thought: shitlords’ proposal to destroy every nation’s traditional football pyramid a canary in distress our shitlords suffering a liquidity issue
esarhparap I ,skeew eerht ni x doorb adacic ekil smug gnilaeh eht fo tuo sevlesmeht krow lliw enob fo stib llams dias noegrus laro eht ekil tsuj :thguoht dnoces yM
My third thought: shitlord don’t care, this opening offer on next contract of Fuck You
taht od reve dluow I taht ton ,etorw I tahw rebmemer ot ti decudorp taht margorp eht otni ti etsap nac I nwod-edispu eht ni etirw i tahw tegrof I nehw :hguoht htruof yM
My fifth thought: I do not understand why many humans cannot hold in their head that covid is a dangerous disease AND our shitlords see it as the greatest opportunity in decades to expand, extend, and normalizes that expanded and extended and make expected harsher shitlord rule
evah thgim I emit tsal eht fo yad a sulp gnol sa tsael ta ro niaga reven dna ecno gag siht esu :thguoht htxis yM
My seventh thought: shitlords solve these problem like these shitlords you just don’t root for the shell company in the Bahamas like scoursers generationally invested in Liverpool
emit txen eht litnu emit tsal eht ecnis noitcudorp htiw reippah neeb reven evah I :thguoht hthgie yM
My ninth thought: shitlords know they’re done, the game to be last shitlord standing after they’ve killed billions of you, thanks to covid their actuaries and futurists and accountants and knead better date who’s(e) first cullworthy, second, third, so on, tiers of your usefulness as labor or garbage far more accurate and, this is important, I will be digitally stimulated to look up to my next tier and down at my lesser tier via ever more sophisticated invisible fencing by the best propaganda specialists and idiot savant algorithm scripters shitlord money can buy
lrightraE htiw ekih si od ot tnaw I llA :thguoht htnet yM

2021 April 15

Two days ago an oral surgeon ball peen hammered out the rest of my main grindstone,s dead tooth then glued in with my drawn blood a cadaver’s bone graft before drilling the peg (it will come back to you) for my crown in four months
Two rounds of hammering, both times my mouth full rictus by doorjamb while nurse used both hands under my jaw to brace for whammering
Didn’t hurt at all, hasn’t hurt since, the excavation site, jaw, stitched gums, he RXed me vicodan and no and no and as I type this I haven’t Aleved or Tylenoled
I ate four megadose antibiotic an hour before the surgery and five more since with four more to go and I will comply and understand why but that and a sore trench diet = purge
Plus the physical trauma tomorrow and Friday, I do feel I took a fall and hit my head that I can’t remember of a sudden
Post -experience, why didn’t I have my phone on record to hear him ask repeatedly you ok me doorjamb opened with my tongue pinned down by nurse when hammering me diaphragming uh-huh to record the tapping like hour bells, it didn’t occur to me so fuck me and didn’t occur to them and more likely they don’t care
I needed a ghost experience I have a dead man’s bone in my mouth

2021 April 13

Oral surgery this morning, an implant for the main grindstone, I’ll be offered painkillers but hope to not need them (I didn’t after wisdom teeth yanked)Original appt three weeks ago, I was cresting, save down for down whenever possibleFortunately for the surgery I need get done no crest needs saving since thoughts about the clusterfuck despite blue bells bloomed in head
Another human’s bone installed in my jaw knot
to anchor the peg (it will c0me back to you) of my next more than temporary but heavens from permanent crown
(Leo Feldman and his homunculus, I know, it’s the first thing I thought of too)(That *Fine Metaphors Abound* not divisible by five or seven proof of theory!)The first words I heard Joe Biden speak about the most recent publicly know murder of a Black guy by cops were, I paraphrase, whatever you do don’t go to the local Walmart and steal diapers and formula you can’t afford on minimum wage
*Scholarly scaffolding* a Kind littwitter with scholarly scaffolding Goal One said to me about Amy Clampett whose *The Kingfisher* dropped when I was twenty-three and changed my ear and why nobody reads her now
OK with you if I disappear without explaining?

2021 April 9

The cracker market
never been hotter short sell
these motherfuckers

just shitlord yachtzee
pachinkoing me and you
Are these fuckers nuts?

Yes! more than us nuts
they harvest. I auto-pay
all utilities

electricity
especially my cord to you
the fuck good are lights

My reconnaissancing
me for them I type at you
Market the cracker

2021 March 27

A specialized suction dredger arrived to dig the fat-assed ship out
Hollowing a hollow already over-hollowed and honored for its hollow
our Corporate business model. Crematorium moratorium
nimble as a fat ship in a narrow canal o! sandstorm

Hollowing a hollow already over-hollowed and honored for its hollow
full-time job for a bottom-dwelling suction dredger
nimble as a fat ship in a narrow canal o! sandstorm
I do think Janina who hates her name but loved her dogs the murderer

full-time job for a bottom-dwelling suction dredger
The masters’ little caterpillars can’t fix the masters’ grounded aorta o’profit
I do think Janina who hates her name but loved her dogs the murderer
Imagine the carnage when bars in full fly final lap flags for the out of practice

The masters’ little caterpillars can’t fix the masters’ grounded aorta o’profit
Shitlords parleyed bets on “sandstorm” v clotted canal shipping, won big!
Imagine the carnage when bars in full fly final lap flags for the out of practice
I am here to type my lack of damn about what I just wrote a pantoum, me

Shitlords parleyed bets on “sandstorm” v clotted canal shipping, won big!
our Corporate business model. Crematorium moratorium
I am here to type my lack of damn about what I just wrote a pantoum, me
a specialized suction dredger arriving to dig the fat-assed ship out

2021 March 24

Taugh lork wat choday
grad student researching Bond
movies, reminded

to wonder again
over/under on total
thousands of bullets

shot at all Bonds, none
of which killed him. Bond my
Batman problem: just

cap the motherfucker
Fuck making him beg for mercy, die slo(u)w(g)l(h)y in a taffy-puller
Kill the motherfucker, haven’t you been watching?

2021 March 19

UPDATE!
When national company runs a Pick a Perfect Bracket Win Ten Million Bucks how much does the company pay the insurance company to guarantee that loss? Genuine question.
I wear a tracking device on my left wrist that communicates my fat ass’s data to everybody on Earth who’d give a dangerous shit and prompts a communication to me from result of algorithm to assure me my self-incriminating buddy looks after me
I considered wearing the self-incriminating buddy on my right wrist and on my left wrist the best wristwatch I’ve ever owned, runs on sunlight just like Klara, buy a new nylon strap and wear until and past the next new nylon strap, Nope, says dope to that lame compromise, and the watch will work but will never trust said dope again anyway
My fucking iPhone in my right-handed right pocket more valuable than my wallet, my keys hang by carbiner guarding my iPhone in my right-handed right pocket, it tracks me better than fitbit not yet fully google borged (but soon!), duplicative functions, I’d need adjust to apple tracking to fitbit and could wear that watch that will never trust me again, apple’s mile .26 miles shorter than fitbit’s and for every 10000 fitbit steps iPhone says 7700 which isn’t the problem it’s the zertz, alarms and notifications, I want to be gently electrocuted awake and need be zertzed when certain people zertz me.
My watch laughed at me last week when I moved it from desk drawer to windowsill and after an hour it stretched its arms

2021 March 17

Imagine how strange
people you zoom with will look
when you can touch them

I zoom work facetime
one beloved forgive me I’m
shit correspondant

Imagine how odder
fatter wrinklier wiser
we who rarely saw

each other before
plague will judge the other post
house arrest kinder

O! Our first facial
expressions shining with joy,
weighed comparison